Bournemouth Gay Life

Homophobia in public

The Story of Helen

By Navaniita Dhar | 07.06.2006

Helen Walsh is a 40 year old woman. She is like any other woman except for the fact that she is bisexual. Helen discovered her sexuality at the age of 14 when she found out that she was attracted to both men and women.

The age at which Helen discovered her sexuality is a normal age when a lot of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender young persons come out with their sexuality. But what sets her apart from many other young people is the fact that she didn’t find it difficult to come into terms with her sexuality. Helen says she couldn’t have been bothered. “I have always taken life easily; one of the reasons why I think it was particularly easy for me was my parents. They initially thought that it is just a phase, but when they found out it was not, they never complained”, she adds.

Helen’s parents moved down to Poole in 1971 from Oldham, near Manchester, where Helen was born on February 15, 1966. Her parents, Barrie and Christine Walsh, along with Helen and her younger sister Ruth, moved around different parts of rural Dorset before buying a house in Upton, Poole, and settling their.

Helen feels that though they moved a lot during her childhood, the stability in the family ensured a good upbringing for her and Ruth. “I had a lovely happy childhood and my parents were always there for the both of us”, she remembers.

Professionally a youth worker now, Helen feels that having supportive parents and a happy childhood is a very important for factor in anybodies life and especially those who are trying to come into terms with his or her sexuality.

Space Youth Project, one of the many youth groups Helen is associated with deals with such group of young persons under 25 years of age who are struggling to come to terms with their sexuality or are just confused about it. It is through her work that she now feels more strongly about the importance of a supportive family who need to be around in such phases of life.

However, it was not an easy life all the way for Helen. After completing her schooling at Parkstone Grammar School and Lytchett School, both in Poole, Helen left home to live on her own. “I did a few odd jobs in sales. I was having a fun time but things soon changed I met James Rae in 1989, started to live in with him and then became pregnant”, she says, recollecting those days.

She had a two years live-in relationship with James Rae who became a full blown heroin addict during that time. Helen couldn’t deal with James’s addiction any more and had to move out of the relationship with her first born Luke.

“It was a hard time being a single mom and more so because I was not really prepared for it. When I fell pregnant James was sure he wanted the child too and so I thought I can manage. But things were not suppose to be like that”, Helen says with a smile.

James was sadly not the end of her problems. She met Rob Bladamare with whom she had a ten years live in relation and was later married for four years. But this relation was also destined to end.

“Rob also started doing too many drugs. We already had two children before we got married and he was not really looking after us. But still I thought I can manage”, says Helen.

But things got out of hand when Rob became violent and so she had to run away from him and landed in London. Helen thinks that those were the most difficult years of her life. She had to look after three kids as well start life afresh.

It was 2002 when Helen landed in London. She joined the Brunel University in London and got a post graduate certificate in Youth and Community Studies in 2004.
Though she did not have a bachelor’s degree it was easy for her to get into the course as she had loads of work experience in youth work.

Other relationships that Helen had also didn’t work out the way she thought. She had her first live in relation with a woman in 1993.But that was short lived too. Her last relationship that ended this year was with a 24 year old girl named Fluff.

Helen thinks that one of the reasons her relationships do not workout is due to her motherly attitude. “I generally go for people who need to be looked after and later find out that I too need some from their part”, she adds

However, her attitude towards life does surprise people as she can never be found talking about her problems. As she tells her story, she constantly adds that all this is a part of life and should not be taken seriously.

Troubles apart, Helen feels that if there is one thing that looks great in her life is her work. She really enjoys doing her youth work. No matter what was happening in her life this was the work she continued to do. Though she had some other jobs before, she soon found out that helping people is what she likes to do.

Chairman of Bourne Free festival, Peter Lovegrove, who has known Helen for a while, now feels that she really enjoys her work. “Helen is very efficient in what she does and I think it is because she loves doing her job”, he adds.

“I knew I was not going to be a millionaire because that kind of work did not satisfy me. I wanted to do something where I could help people”, Helen says with a laugh.

She thinks that she was always doing youth work all her life without actually knowing it.

“I knew I was not going to be a millionaire because that kind of work did not satisfy me. I wanted to do something where I could help people”, Helen says with a laugh.

But her first real break came when a friend who was studying to become a youth worker offered her a job in the out skirts of Bournemouth in a counsel estate at Townsend in 1996. That was just the beginning and in the last ten years Helen has worked in more then a dozen youth and community projects including Parkstone. Boys and Girls club, Platform- a women’s project in Boscombe and Detached- a outreach project in Poole, to mention a few.

Those who work with Helen feel that she is best for the job and it is evident from the attitude of her youth group how popular she is with them.

Sarah Vincent, who is a new member of the Space Youth Group, feels that Helen makes people very comfortable by the way she talks and goes about her work.

“The first day I met her I was a bit apprehensive but she made me feel familiar to the place. I think she is a very responsible person and a nice human being”, says Sarah.

However, one thing about Helen that really surprised Sarah was her bare feet. This kind of a reaction is not new for Helen who prefers to do things she likes.

She says: “I don’t like wearing shoes so I don’t wear them. Actually I left wearing shoes when I was 18.”

Living in Parkstone now with her three children, Helen has always done what she felt was right. She thinks that no matter how much trouble she had it is her attitude toward life that keeps her ticking. Her attitude and confidence is also a reason why she didn’t face a lot of trouble as a bisexual woman.

“I have not hidden the fact that I am a bisexual from anybody, not even my partners. I feel that if you can come to terms with what you are you wont feel the need to answer the world. I think the problems I faced are not rare in a woman’s life. But as a bisexual I really had an easy life”, she says with a broad smile.

According to Helen, living life is all about taking what comes your way and not pushing it aside saying it is hard to handle.

helen

Helen Walsh believes in enjoying life to the fullest.

Helen with her youth group

Over the Rainbows: Helen's workplace