Interview with an Intended Mom

Gemma Abed is a Californian Woman who has been trying to conceive a child since 2006. Since then she has had multiple miscarriages and tried various assisted reproductive techniques without any luck. She and her husband Jon Abed have now decided to give commercial surrogacy, in India, a shot. Even as of now, Gemma is awaiting a successful retrieval of her eggs which can then be implanted into a surrogate. She spoke to me about her experiences as an intended parent.

SG: How did you come to choose surrogacy as an option?

GA: We tried Reproductive Immunology Therapy, a technique researched by Dr Beer, which is not FDA approved. The cost was not covered by our insurance.  The money came from our pocket and it did get expensive.   Tried twice and it didn’t work.  I was frustrated and disappointed with myself, and I was emotionally wrecked.  Our doctor had suggested surrogacy to us and I came across this article about ‘Wombs-for-rent’. I was intrigued and we decided to give it a shot.

SG: Have you met your surrogate? How was the experience?

GA: We had to sign contracts with this notary guy. We were in a room waiting for him to show up, when we were introduced to our surrogate and her husband.  Both my husband and I were in shock and did not know what to say.  We had not prepared ourselves for this part.  We did not have any questions ready. Moreover, the SM did not speak any English, but her husband spoke a little.   We ask them why they wanted to do this for us, and they said it was for financial reasons. 

 SG: How do you like your surrogate, would you keep in touch with her?

 GA: She has this sweet face and is full of smiles and she has 2 kids (boy and a girl).  We both feel good about her but no I don’t want to keep in touch with her.

SG: How do you find the medical facilities at your Indian clinic? Were you afraid that they wouldn’t match up to American standards?

GA: I would say I am very impressed with their equipment.  Their equipment was more up to date than my fertility clinic here in the U.S.  However, my egg-retrieval was an uncomfortable experience. I was taken into this crowded operating gallery. They call it an operation theatre.  Did I mentioned there were at least 5 people in the room talking amongst each other, while my legs were up in the air with my  vagina  exposed for everyone to see? 

SG: Couples pursuing surrogacy have received a lot of flak from the media with the practice largely being labelled ‘exploitative’. Does that hurt you?  

GA: I read all these stories in the media and I bet the people writing them do not have issues conceiving children. The Media needs to understand that women who can’t carry their own children go through a lot of emotional hardship. I will never know how it feels to carry a child, will never know what it feels like when a baby kicks for the first time or experience labour pains.  So yes, it is hurtful.