Lucy Beresford is a psychotherapist, author and member of the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapists.
In February of this year she published a novel entitled "Something I'm Not" in which the main character, Amber, is a woman ambivalent towards the idea of being a mother. The book examines societies response to women who make the decision not to have children.
As a result of the research she did for the novel, Lucy wrote an article in the Times Newspaper explaining that society needed to recognise that not all women are cut out for motherhood.
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While some women find a great sense of fulfillment from becoming a mother, for others the situation is more complicated.
Having conducted much research on this topic, psychotherapist and author, Lucy Beresford, offers a number of possible reasons why some women feel more conflicted about their new role as a parent.
“It could be something in their background; it could be their own experiences of being mothered, or not very successfully as the case may be. Or it could be because they themselves had quite a traumatic pregnancies, or traumatic labours, therefore they build up a negative response either towards motherhood, or the baby in particular. It could be circumstances, perhaps the pregnancy was unplanned, perhaps they didn’t really expect to be pregnant at this stage in their life but had anticipated it happening later, and therefore their plans for what they’re doing now have been curtailed or put on hold. So it could be a variety of things.”
Lucy rejects the idea that all women must be naturally suited to motherhood and instead believes that society needs to adjust its assumptions.
“I think where society could help is to acknowledge that not everybody wants to have children, and to be tolerant of those women who make that choice.”
Are women more able, in today’s society to make a more honest assessment of their experience as mothers?
“I think mothering and parenting is an incredibly important and an incredibly difficult job, and what has been hidden is the difficult side of it. I think women are now feeling better able to stand up and say, ‘I love my kids but at the same time I often get really very frustrated with them, and sometimes I might hate them.’ And women are acknowledging all of that, all of that emotional response to their children.”
Whilst admitting to the child that you have feelings of regret or resentment could be very damaging, Lucy believes that being able to admit these feelings in some way is very important.
“To acknowledge it to yourself and perhaps have a forum where you can express that, whether it’s with your girlfriends, or online, that I think is all for the good.”